Today’s episode marks the beginning of a new series of episodes that will bring us to the end of year one of The If We Matter Podcast. For the next three months, our focus will be less on the issues that divide us, and more on the issues inside of us that have the potential to bring us together.
Life has gotten crazy around us, and I know I’m not the only one feeling afraid about what’s happening to our country. The two sides of our political system have become enemies and the idea of relating with each other from where we are is quickly fading. We are no longer just disagreeing with each others’ opinions, we are dismantling each other as people. It’s creating pain and confusion all around. Hate is filling up the pages of Facebook and it’s not staying in our social media accounts. It’s spilling over into our relationships, our families, and even into our inner worlds.
What’s possible from here? Is there a way that we can respond to this mess that will be transformational? I think so. I think transformation is always available to us from anywhere!
I think shifting our paradigms in a way that brings creative energy and fun into life is what we all need! The shifts available to us offer more for our all of our relationships; the best and the worst of them.
Today’s paradigm shift is hidden in two little words, that don’t even need to be spoken to have an impact. Those words, “me too,” get to the heart of compassion. They require us to look for ourselves in the things we don’t like that are coming out of another person. These little words both dignify and unify us as humans.
It sounds like this, (in our mind, we are not saying these things out loud): You must have a lot going on inside of you, “me too.” “You are aggravated by something, I know what that’s like.” “Of course you are afraid, I am too.” “I don’t know what you are dealing with, but I know what life does to me.”
The moment we bring ourselves into the equation we begin to soften. As we contemplate the way life can or is working us (our wounds, stress, fears, frustrations, conflict, etc), of course, we get it. Some space is opening up inside of our hearts for this person we were ready to judge and condemn. Now instead of using their brokenness to make us feel better about ourselves, we are using it to equalize and dignify both of us. We are creating a little bit of oneness in our hearts with this person that we probably don’t like, or agree with.
The best place to start is with our closest relationships, and/or those who are the most removed. The first group we care deeply about. These are the people whose inner turmoil is something we must relate with in an up-close and personal way. We trust that they are good people and they care about us, but they get so defensive, annoying, frustrating, and difficult. So do we. We just have no idea what it feels like to be on the other side of our stuff. Try it this week. Pay attention to how it impacts you, and take advantage of any softness that rises up by leaning in with compassion and reminding yourself how much this person matters to you.
Your Facebook feed is a good place to practice too. Your relationship with the person you follow is probably from a distance, and those who comment are usually strangers. Instead of focusing on the things you hate that are coming out, let yourself see the fear behind it. Notice the fear their words bring up inside of you, to fuel what is already there. Now you can sit in the reality of “me too” for a moment and allow it to soften you and remind you that mean people hurt others out of their own hurt.
We are going to have to be in the mess that has been created by our polarized political environment, Covid19, and racism together for a while I’m guessing, and all relationships are messy. Instead of judging others for their imperfections and opinions, let’s choose compassion so that we can fight from a better place.
Let’s make The If We Matter Facebook group a place where we work together to make the paradigm shifts that will ease the relational tension in our relationships and teach us to live free from the tendency we all have to judge and divide.
There is so much potential, If We Matter…
Resources
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- Ready to start transforming your relationships? Go to our website and check out the resources on my coaching page.